And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I love having hate sex.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
