Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
