she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
