I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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