He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
