I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize