420 ftw
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
