i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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