im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
