So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
