Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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