I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize