no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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