You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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