Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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