I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
