Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
