I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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