Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
