My liver just broke up with me...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
