I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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