my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
