I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize