so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
