I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
