I heard we made out
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
