I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
