You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
