who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
