No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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