butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
