wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
