Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
