Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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