All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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