He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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