OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
