her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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