shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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