so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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