if i can run in heels then i can drive
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
