why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
