I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
