You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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