Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he shaved USA in his pubs
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
