Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
