carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize