he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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