So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
