I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I did not marry a roomba.
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