i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just googled if crying burns calories
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
