I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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