Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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