you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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