you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The air taste purple.
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