I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize