A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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