I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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