The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
