is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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