You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
