you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
