omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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