I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
