i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
