my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
