i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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