I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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