You can't special order awesome
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
