No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
