Your face is a jimmy john
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
