I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
