why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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