I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
