glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
