Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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