There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
